One of the things that has come to the forefront during this challenge has been the issue of perception. Our reality is based solely on perception. You know the phrase “change your mind change your life”? If you perceive things differently everything changes. I have been noticing how this is affecting my interactions with Stacey. For instance the other day she asked me to scoot over on the couch and give her some more room. She said it in a neutral tone and there was definitely room to move over. I responded in an incredibly defensive manner as though she were saying – why are you hogging the couch? She noted how defensive I was, something I have been noticing myself...I have been taking a lot of what she says as a criticism. Instead of responding to the moment at hand, I come to the situation with all the past baggage and with my own internal judgments first and foremost. I am so hard on myself, I assume she is judging me just as harshly and instead of finding out if my assumptions are correct, I am running with them. So I am living in my own little world of my own creation based on what is happening in my head and not checking in to see if that matches the reality of my situation. And it is causing friction between us. Isn't that the essence of conflict?
And again this is exacerbated by the lack of communication. We desperately need to check in to see how the other is thinking and feeling so there is a different subtext to our interactions.
But how do we shift the perception? How do we acknowledge our own internal lens and remind ourselves that this is not the only way to see the world? I have some nifty shamanic tools for that which involve finding your perceptual lens and moving it about, which are quite powerful. Stacey and I have set the intention to do one of these processes about our marriage. Once we do it I'll let you know how it turns out.
And again this is exacerbated by the lack of communication. We desperately need to check in to see how the other is thinking and feeling so there is a different subtext to our interactions.
But how do we shift the perception? How do we acknowledge our own internal lens and remind ourselves that this is not the only way to see the world? I have some nifty shamanic tools for that which involve finding your perceptual lens and moving it about, which are quite powerful. Stacey and I have set the intention to do one of these processes about our marriage. Once we do it I'll let you know how it turns out.
As for food, Mondays are always a bit nutty and we are trying to keep the main goal in mind – nourishing the body. Stacey had lunch at the best place on or near campus...cafe Natura which is an earthy-crunchy haven owned and run by our friend Dinam, pictured above behind the counter. (She got a baked potato with butter, cheese and beans—a London favourite.) For dinner however, we are letting ourselves off the cooking hook by ordering some very good Thai food since Stacey is going to be at school until late.
We have a plan for the next two days to cook, when the schedule is a little less hectic. As things get crazier as the move date approaches, it will be a true test to see if we can keep up the self-care even when the stress is high. This, I feel, is the true lesson we are trying to learn – taking care of the self no matter what the external conditions. Oh, it's a tough one.
We have a plan for the next two days to cook, when the schedule is a little less hectic. As things get crazier as the move date approaches, it will be a true test to see if we can keep up the self-care even when the stress is high. This, I feel, is the true lesson we are trying to learn – taking care of the self no matter what the external conditions. Oh, it's a tough one.
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